Missing my kids more than anything...........

Today I am missing my kids so much I can't breathe.  I have these wonderful children and I can only dream of them and how they were when they were almost two years younger than they are today.  I want to be their mommy; I love them so much it hurts.

I spoke to the kids last Wednesday and C started crying; she asked when she sees me next time is that going to be the last and she said she wanted to live with me.  My boys aren't doing much better, I feel as if J completely shutting down on me and E is just chugging along through rough waters.

How will I ever survive this???  I don't know how to do this......