October 2008

Martin and I attend a neighbors birthday party and I'm asked to make the Martini's.  Well I had to test each one before I gave them their drink.  I hadn't ate that day so it hit my like a ton of bricks.  I felt so sick.  Martin and I return home and he's is nagging me about a dish in the sink and because I ate a piece of cake.  I didn't know it was the last piece of cake and it was E's. I felt terrible.

I can remember Martin waking me up on many occasions at 4am yelling at me because things weren't done in the house the way he wanted them.  I'm sorry but this Martha Stewart's days were over when I had became a mom of three.  I had to learn to relax and know that things would get done after I tended to my children; after all they were my priority.

Well I called 911 on Martin again.  Nobody was taken away this time and I know in 2006 I deserved it because I called and I payed the price.  I went to spend the night at a friends place and the next morning Martin comes to my friends house and has his mothers boyfriend in tow.  Yes he called his mother!  He told me I was poison to my children and he didn't want me to come home for a week.  I told him they are my children and it's my house as well.  

My friend drove me home and when I got there the house was locked.  I left my keys in the home the night before.  I had to call a lock smith to get in.  I couldn't find my keys still.  Well a few hours later he comes home with the kids and his mom and her boyfriend.  I ask him where my keys are and he said he locked them in the safe.

Monday morning I take my children to school and I'm trying to get ahold of Martin.  He's not at work.  I finally get ahold of him and we meet at a grocery store parking lot.  He and I talk and he says that we will work things out and he will seek counseling.  I told him to send his mom home because this is our issue not hers.  We are grown ups and this is our family.  Martin agrees.

Well he and his mom pick up the kids at school and he tells me to sit at the kitchen table and motions his mom in a position where she can hear and see us.  He tells me he retained an attorney and he wants a divorce.  I was floored because a few hours before this we talked about something completely different.

I went to my room and we were both crying.  I ask him to bring me my blood pressure meds and I tell him I feel like just dying.  I told him I took more meds than I actually did for attention; this was so foolish of me but I was in a daze.  After all he told me that I knew what we both wanted and that was custody of the children.  I go to the hospital and was released because there weren't any toxic levels of medications in me and I speak to the social worker.  She thinks that with all the stress I'm under is tremendous but she says people do things that out of character during times of stress.  I was scared of losing my children to this man who has clearly emotional abused me for years.  Our family care doctor knew me very well and my situation with Jeff.  She was my rock.

In July of 2008 I did go see an attorney and she wanted to eat him alive.  I didn't want that.  I wanted the kids to have access to both parents, I wanted us to live in the same school district.  I wanted the transition to be as easy as possible on the kids.  I went home and told him what I did like an idiot because I was always upfront with Martin.  He floored me when he told me he thought if we had affairs if might help our marriage; he heard this on the radio.  There has never been any infidelity on my part and I'm pretty sure not on his and I wasn't about to go there.  

Back to Monday evening.  Martin refuses to pick me up from the hospital and my friend Leslie picks me up and takes me home.  I pick up my daughter and bring her to my room.  Martin and his mom are sleeping downstairs.  I go to the kitchen to get something to eat and drink and he starts yelling at me.  I go upstairs and he follows me shoving me to the side and says C is sleeping in her own room.  I told he wasn't allowed to touch me and everyone starts calling 911 again.  The police come and this time I'm not leaving the house so Martin and his mom take my kids to a hotel at 3 am in the morning.  C was crying because she didn't want to leave mommy.