Martin's company is going International and while he's traveling I get really ill

Martin's job was requiring him to travel abroad quite a bit and I was perfectly fine with this.  After all he is the bread winner and I always have supported his career.

I did ask for a nanny 24/7 well he was away for sometimes up to three weeks.  I had Ms. Olivia with me during the summer months as my mothers helper and we would take the kids to the Children's Museum and the Science Center.  When Martin was away she would stay the nights with me because if one child got sick I needed someone with me if there was an emergency.  Martin's company would pay for our nanny well on business trips because they knew we had three little ones at home.

Martin was in Switzerland and it was the school year.  I put the twins in a daycare and J was in his first year of preschool.  I was feeling really sick with a temperature of 105.  I called Martin and asked him if his mom could come and help out; I was on my own this trip.  He told me I would be fine.  My neighbors brought me soup and when they saw me they said I looked like death; how sweet of them now I feel really great :).

It's five days into his trip and I swear I can't remember driving the twins to daycare.  I get home and my teeth won't stop chattering.  I call Paula and she comes over.  I called my doctors office because my temp is now over 106 degrees and I'm feeling delusional they told me to call 911.  They transport me to the hospital.  I get to the hospital and get an x-ray and blood draws.  The doctor comes in and says I have bi-lateral pneumonia and a staph infection that has entered my blood system.  He tells me my organs can start shutting down and I should get my husband home as soon as possible.  Finally Martin's mom comes over and Martin gets on a plane home.

Is all I can think of is what will happen if I die and my children won't have their mommy.  J is extremely attached to me and I would miss out on their lives.

I have had this type of infection before when I lost my Angel.  Why am I getting sick all the time?  My doctor told me my body has been through so much and with all the stress at home my body is reacting.   The number of blood pressure medications I'm on make me really tired as well but what can I do?  I have to take these medications or I could stroke out.  Martin's mom and sister would look at me in disgust because I need these medications.  Martin's mom would tell me to just stop taking them all together.  I think she wanted me die so she could control Martin and take my children.