Feeling trapped

I felt cornered through the years.  After all how would I make it with three kids if I did file for divorce after being out of the workforce for years.  

I went to therapist because I was so confused and after having 4 babies in 3 years my body was weak as well as my spirit.  I needed guidance.  I was diagnosed as clinically depressed and went on SSDI in 2005.  Martin was my payee.  I felt even worse after this because I thought wow I really am going insane.  My primary care doctor told me if I left Martin I would feel alot better about myself.

Prior to our divorce I went to the ER 30 times in a two year period due to blood pressure issues and was admitted 4 times to get it under control.  I look back now and see that yes maybe these were cries for help.

While under the influence of alcohol in 2006 I called the police on Martin and tried to have him arrested for Domestic Violence.  I suppose I viewed emotional abuse the same.  Well one person has to go to jail and I was the unlucky one.  Martin felt terrible and hired an attorney for me and wanted all charges dropped.  The case was dismissed.