Fear turns into tragedy/March 7th 2001

After a very sleepless night I called my OB/GYN and she is on call at the hospital;  she tells me to come in so she can check me out and we can figure out something to do.  Martin and I drive over and she checks me in the hospital wondering why they ever let me go home in the first place with leaking amniotic fluid.  She decides she's going to call another peri-natologist and find out if she will take me in.  I was so scared still at this point.  We did another Ultra Sound and saw our son dancing in my tummy.  He was clueless as to what was going on.  He was so healthy and beautiful.  The other peri-natologist said she would take me so calls are being made once again to transport me to another hospital.  Well preparations are being made I feel a trickle.  I call my doctor and she does a test on the fluid and verifies that indeed I am leaking.  She sits down with Martin and myself and tells us the news isn't good and that not only am I leaking fluid but I also have an infection that has spread into my blood system.  It meant if we decided to try to keep our son it could possibly be fatal to me and my baby as well.  

She counseled us on all that could happen and we had to make the decision to deliver knowing he would not survive.   We called our families and gave them the news.  I had a fever at this point and we both decided to deliver our precious son. We called a priest in before we delivered our son and he stayed with us until the end. This was the hardest day of our lives.  When our son was delivered I went into shock and thought I saw him move his arms.  I was completely delirious.  Tears were flowing from everyone in the room.  The baby was taken from my arms and the doctor had to leave the room because she was emotional and didn't want me to see her this way.  Our son was beautiful with all his fingers and toes and he had my nose.

 I started feeling lightheaded and I wouldn't stop bleeding.  I remember looking at the towels of blood I passed out and the doctor rushed in.  Martin was beside himself; after just losing his son and possibly his wife was more than he could handle.  I lost so much blood and my blood pressure was crashing.  The code team was called in and I was rushed into surgery.  I was in and out of conscious and I remember the anesthesiologist trying to give me an epidural.   Blood was everywhere in the operating room and there were dozens of people in the room.  The doctors finally got the bleeding to stop.  I was then sent to the recovery room where they did allow Martin to come in to see me.  His eyes were red from tears and I told him I never wanted to do this again and that I wanted to adopt.

I was kept in the hospital for a few days to get an inter-venial antibiotic.  I remember Martins phone ringing and a friend from junior high who was in our wedding called.  I haven't spoke to her in years.  She had no clue what was going on.  God works in mysterious ways; I was so delighted to speak to her.  Megan is truly one of my best friends.